Blog

  • Sunflower

    There is a Sunflower who stands tall, proud, erect

    outside my bathroom window.

    One of all the rest facing away from the morning sun,

    having the sun always at her back for support,

    to face me as I awake to my morning practice.

    She is there in Goddess form

    to bring me a message,

    supporting me each day in the first rays of sun.

    To stand tall, be me, be proud-

    Full of joy, beauty, grace, strength, resilience.

    To remember who I am and to stand for me.

    To spread joy and sunshine even in the darkest days and hours.

    To not allow anyone to steal that joy or destroy my spirit.

    And I prayed to her

    And to the earth that supports her

    To the rainfall that renews her

    To the wind that blows to make her stalk stronger and more resilient.

    To be in me.

    And my movements felt stronger,

    My limbs longer.

    My feet planted, I felt steadier.

    My breath, freer.

    More open, free, alive, magnificent-

    As a reflection, a part of,

    the Sunflower who faces me radiantly to

    remind me of my Light.

  • Through It All

    Mom,

    You’ve held me through it all so far.

    From the very beginning when you were scared as your life was changing

    And you were leaping into the great unknown with faith

    In the timelessness of what all mothers naturally do.

    You’ve held me through the car accident that mothers fear so much.

    You’ve held me through fevers and earaches.

    Through long inconsolable nights,

    Tired with no sleep yourself and work in the morning.

    Through trust in allowing sitters to keep me while you provided.

    Through moves, yet keeping me grounded in one school and allowing me to build roots in one community.

    Through the years of teachers helping groom me into an honorable student,

    And you instilled my love of reading from an even younger age than that.

    Through awkwardness in middle school,

    And love and friends in high school and then suddenly- graduation events and excitement of flying away.

    Through seeing me off to college and away from home for the first time on my own.

    Through my first young pregnancy and my own uncertainty then.

    Through my blue baby, you more scared than me as you saw it all unfold.

    Through another bout of college and growing professional success.

    Through my winter sunshine baby, healthy and together with mom for the first time of all three.

    Through ups and downs with partnership and motherhood.

    Through the times of paycheck to paycheck scarcity.

    Through times of abundance and enoughness.

    Through our trip to the jungle and the ocean where I had the joy of watching you face your fear and turning it into fun and memories to last forever.

    Through times of contentment, resentment, and celebration.

    Through times of unknowing and fear.

    Through times of becoming and growing into wiser women together,

    As we faced death and love and life in all its myriad of shapes

    And shades of color.

    Through painting this canvas of my life,

    Yours the brushstrokes that make up the majority of the picture.

    Through more to come together that we haven’t yet seen,

    And beyond…..

  • Gratitude Opens

    Me

    When I read a passage of poetry

    that breaks my heart open

    in remembrance of the vessel

    that connects us to Source.

    Gratitude opens

    this vessel

    in awe and wonder

    of the inexplicable mystery called Life.

    The Source that weaves this web

    with or without our blessing,

    Until one day we look around and give gratitude for it all anyway.

    That is when gratitude opens us

    back up to the flow that ripples through all of it in every moment.

  • Life with Friends

    A friend from the last chapter of my life calls to tell me of a new illness,

    And it makes me wish I was there.

    A friend from this chapter hugs me tight and tells me this isn’t her reality it’s someone else’s, learning of a new diagnosis for her partner.

    And it makes me glad I happen to be right next door to help.

    A friend who was fantasized to be something more at one time,

    Pops up in a dream only to find that he has also been recently interpreting his own dreams.

    This makes me remember why I admire his sensitivity inside his solidity.

    An old friend who made me be hers by sheer persistence,

    Turned into one of my dearest and deepest friends through so many chapters by now.

    I hear the growth in our conversations and feel the struggles in our hearts

    each time we talk, not afraid now to go further in bearing our souls.

    Several states away now, a soul sister who shares my pining for living the fullest expression of life and not letting our lights be diminished as we grow older,

    We keep the flame alive in our hearts by breathing fresh energy into one another’s spirits every time we talk.

    My very oldest friend, the one who shared a lollipop with me on the sidewalk of cobblestoned streets when we were four,

    Is the one that tethers me to those farthest memories of being little and innocent with perhaps only a few fears in the world.

    We know that we know each other on a soul level that exists far beyond this lifetime,

    That we have always been and will always be part of each other’s lives even if we don’t speak.

    And those friends who very seldom expose their souls, but who remain strong as life gets harder.

    There are even those friends who seem to be growing into the brightest version of themselves as they age finely, feeling freedom to express themselves more fully.

    They each inspire me through their trials, triumphs, growth, and surrender.

  • Stance

    Which stance do I take today?

    I don’t feel like surrendering control.

    I want to retaliate against those who’ve broken my peace.

    I want to throw a fit like a little child to make my point.

    I want to harden my heart and not give grace.

    I don’t want to understand that they don’t understand.

    I want my serene cocoon just the way I want it-

    Untouched, pristine.

    I want to put up walls and keep to myself,

    Not deal with human interactions

    At least until I can take that breath

    that offers the first semblance of sweet surrender.

  • Searching

    I search and search and here I am,

    Although I don’t quite realize it.

    I search and search and all the time you are near,

    Although I can’t always feel you.

    I search and search,

    Troubled with longing.

    I search and search,

    Never quite finding

    That which I’m searching for

    Eludes me most of the time.

  • Rainy Saturday Morning

    Nothing to do, nowhere to be.

    Out the window I stare, so much to see.

    Sitting still with the rain

    Dripping off eaves,

    Relaxing without guilt,

    Wondering what I believe.

    What I wanted yesterday may not be that today.

    Or is it the gloom of the day having it’s way?

    Slowing to wonder what I actually need,

    Rather than scrolling someone else’s feed.

    Time and mood now to write,

    To express what’s inside and to bring some light.

    The sun pops through the clouds

    While puddles continue collecting drops.

    My mind is saturated with muddied thoughts,

    Even as the rain threatens to stop.

    On into the day of unknown gray,

    Of indecision and too much to say.

  • Winds of Change

    These winds will blow us into tomorrow.

    No matter how our unconscious tries to keep us stuck.

    Whether we are pliable enough to adapt,

    Is how we will land where we’re blown.

    The resiliency with which we bounce

    Will absorb our shock.

    These waves will become part of our body,

    Until we understand that this is all of who we are.

    Blowing into becoming, into being.

    The breath of life will always blow us right where we need to be

    When we need to be there.

    Flowing with this breath of the universe,

    More precise in its divine promise than we’ll ever comprehend,

    We can be certain that even when we feel blown into the abyss,

    We are always swirling in the cosmic consciousness that is our original home.

    This may feel far away,

    This may feel topsy turvy.

    Hang on for the ride and take a deep breath-

    The winds will settle now and again.

    These are the times to integrate and reflect,

    The times to recalibrate for the next wind trip to come.

    To appreciate all that reconfigures after each landing,

    Until we begin to notice how we softly float to the earth like a leaf,

    More often than not after each fall wind.

    How we blossom into being more fully each spring,

    Unafraid of wind’s unexpected nature and flowing with its breath.

    Innocent like a baby, adventurous like a teenager.

    Open to wherever these winds may blow us,

    Graceful, exploring new dimensions and configurations with ease.

    Artful swirling, like a Van Gogh painting-

    A creation of beauty unbeknownst until the final creation is revealed.

    Until the winds of change blow again…..

  • Bridges

    I heard your voice the other day,

    The sick version and the vibrant one.

    These reminded me of your valiant fight to stay with us,

    And your waning sun energy as you slipped into the forever night.

    The Lakota song of healing that brought you peace in those times.

    And I also remembered your thoughtful caring ways

    That composed the fabric of who you were.

    You built bridges with everyone you met, and for them too.

    Bridges to one another and bridges always back to you.

    This is who you really were, every day-

    The essence of true beauty shared with us.

    You taught us how to love one another without a second thought.

    Your indelible impression of kindness and selflessness

    Imprinted on our hearts forever.

    Thank you, Ne.

  • Held

    Waking, on edge, full of anxiety

    Over what I’ve done and how much time is in the day.

    I splash water on my face and the dreams that kept me at bay from this day

    Fall away, receding into the unknown mind.

    Stretching into places that at this hour unconsciously bring lifeblood to them,

    Awakening mysterious channels of prana,

    Gently probing my heart awake.

    That elusive coil of energy that sometimes and now

    Brings me suddenly to the earth.

    To sit, to be, to still, to quiet the already crazy mind.

    And in this falling away of ego pieces as they dissolve and melt,

    I am left with me as Space.

    I am left to face myself only as part of this Universe.

    And in this feeling, this knowing,

    This purity of surrender and letting go,

    I realize there is no fear and there is no doubt.

    This is how I’ve always been and always will be held.

    Immense peace and comfort in suspending here,

    In the arms of God that birthed me, bear me, and will deliver me again across all space and time forever.